Octoberness

Happy Fall Y'all.

And by that I mean HAPPY.  As in, see ya September.  You had me in lock down but I'm bustin' out with a spiced cider in hand.  And a new pumpkin orange Eddie Bauer sweater.  That's enough October armor for a brand new month, and a reclaiming of myself.

September highlights:

North Carolina Mountain State Fair

I love it.  It brings back memories of my childhood.  I can remember going to the Fair as a kid with my older cousin and riding The Zipper.  Thank you Mr. Commentator for the engineering analysis of this killer ride.  All I know is it was crazy, and good.  And as a punk kid four years younger than my worshiped cousin, I could hang on any ride with her and all her teenage friends.  Those cage spinning skills Mr. Commentator talks about?  I had them.  Me in all of my 80 pounds of coolness could throw my weight around in there like nobody's business.  Cage spinners.  Zipper queens.

I grabbed a cup o' joe and joined the white hairs in line at the gate, and the hippie crew still setting up first thing opening morning.  The weather delivered, the bright colors matched my memories, and the smells?  Tried and true.  I entered some of my pictures again this year for fun.  No expectations.  Just for the hell of it to keep my photography mind moving.  

And would you look what happened.

National Quartet Convention

"NQC", to those who aren't too cool to admit they are 42 years old and love it.  I crawled out of my September bed and rolled solo to Louisville, Kentucky knowing I wouldn't be disappointed.  The Expo Center there is called "Freedom Hall".  Crimeny if walking up that long sidewalk toward my NQC weekend and seeing that on the side of the building doesn't get me every time.  It may as well be a runway really.  With flashing lights and a loud megaphone hailing loudly, Hey Mamma in the blue jeans looking a little COOKED.  We got you.  Come on in.  Take a mental load off .  It's FREEDOM HALL, and boy do we have a healthy dose of Jesus for you."  I always leave renewed.  With new focus and new hope.

The cherry on top came with a little old lady out front, scared to death she would be busted for trying to sell her ticket.  God love her.  I saw it in her eyes.

"Are you selling tickets?"

....yes

"Can I ask what section they are in?"

.....I'm real nervous because I think they are watching

"Oh, right.  Ok, let's just sit over here under the tree and talk."

*smile*.....

"So.  This is better.  What tickets are you trying to sell."

....I have three tickets for the next three nights.  Well, ....fidget....I mean one seat for three nights.  ....Fidget, fidget, fidget.....Unfortunately I have to fly home.  They're on the second row.

(Holy Moses....this cannot be happening)  

*SMILE*  "I'll take them."

---------

That my friends, is close enough to Jesus to almost touch him.  Holy Spirit ooze.  I was covered in it.

I won't bore you with too many random favorites that you don't know.  But I would be cheating you if I didn't include HER....  She is everything I would represent in Gospel Music.  

You go girl.  Square peg on a round stage, and I LOVED her.

Freedom Hall.  Second Row.

It was amazing in every single way possible.  My weekend seat mate, Betty Jo, hugged me good bye and said, "If I don't see you next year, see you in Glory."  

Nashville, Tenessee.  And Family

Long weekend away with the hubster.  Sans children.

Whaaaaat?

I know.  What on earth could I possibly have done to deserve all this craziness.  It was a continuing education weekend for the Mr.  And a keep the hubby company in the off hours weekend for the Mrs.  With a little side of Gaylord Opryland Hotel.  

Enough said.

No, I didn't carry my tripod with me.  Let's not talk about it.

It's Vegas meets the South.  MASSIVE.  And gardens.  Gardens everywhere.  Wellhellhell.....we all know that's my IV of happiness.  

To top the weekend, was family.  My Grandma.  Love this woman.  She's frail, and battling cancer.  Well, actually she's not battling it.  She's just living it for whatever amount of time God gives her.   So every single time I see her my mind whispers~  memorize her    love her    soak her in    soak her in because this might be the last time    

TELL HER HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HER. 

Tell me she's not beautiful.  My Aunt and I tried to get her to have her very first pedi with us over the weekend.  She would have NONE of that.  People would see her feet.  And her toes.  And her nails.

Right.  No pedi.  

That's ok Grandma.  I'm channeling all kinds of mani pedi for the both of us.  

And then there was this little booger.  Miracle baby 2011. 

 Hello little miracle.  So adorable and delicious I could hardly stand it.  I prayed and prayed for her before she was born, and had yet to hold her.  

I held her, smelled her, and smooched on her till I thought my heart would pop.  She's everything I prayed for in a busy little wiggle package.  I told her she was awesome, and precious, and beautiful.  And then we shopped Hobby Lobby, touching everything that sparkled and caught our eye.  Tell me that's not instant heart connection.

Iphone 5

  Will someone paaaalease give me an award for patience.  I hung in strong for her arrival and now she's mine.  And she was worth it.  I'll admit, saying farewell to my 3Gs and all her elderly glory was a moment.  Like betraying a friend or something.  Phone friendship.  But the nice little Verizon lady told me she would be donated to a women's shelter to someone that needed her.  Or at least that's the move she used to get me to get over myself in pathetic loyalty, and move on with the account proceedings.  I quickly reminded my self the "G" stood for GRANNY.  For real.

I'm over it.  And I  L  O  V  E my upgrade.  Good bye covered wagon.  Hello train of tomorrow.

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Happy Fall.  Don a sweater and bake an apple somethin' somethin' to share with your family.  And cheers to those who made it out of the bed with me.  

If you're still there, it's ok.  Open a Fall window and snuggle in.  I'm here when you're ready with red hots and cider.

Reflecting

Taking a deep breath here....

My bloggy heart has been missing this.  Avoiding this.  The outlet of putting thoughts into words.  Lacing them into sentences.  And storing them here.  Moments and memories that I want to remember.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately.  Through the reflecting I've been reading the blogs I normally follow, and have stumbled on some new ones.  What's ironic is there seems to be a reflective kind of bloggy theme going around.  Measuring life's changes and challenges.  It's ups vs. it's downs and all the stomach drops in between.  The ebb and flow.  Sometimes you're riding the wave.  And sometimes the undertow pulls at your ankles, eroding the sandy foundation under you.

Through the reading, it hit me.

Quit avoiding it.  Just write it.

So the truth is, I've been depressed.  Not the call ahead and reserve the inpatient bed, depressed.  But, the go back to bed, pull the covers up tight, and set the alarm for school pick up time, depressed.  There is great shame that takes place hiding under those covers.  Shame that I'm not being the mom I am capable of.  Shame that I'm not being the wife I'm capable of.  Shame that I'm hiding.  From everything.  And everyone.

There has been a lot of transition in our lives over the summer.  Some expected.  And some I didn't see coming.  But you know, in unexpected and painful changes there is opportunity for growth.  Even if growth comes through hiding under a big, white, down comforter.

COMFORTER.  Excuse me while I have my epiphany moment.....

I'm clawing my way back.  Because it's what I do.  Survivor.  Type that in pretty script and tattoo it somewhere on this freckled frame.  Because the glass IS half full.  Of chocolate milk mind you.  Because at the moment I'm a little strung out on coffee.

For now, this I know:

I know it's important to allow yourself to feel pain.  To let it out in tears until the tears change from running hot over your cheeks, to cool and cleansing.  To talk it out.  To let it go.  Repeating as necessary.

I know that sometimes we put too much faith in people.  Often it's only through loss that we are actually pulled back to center and what matters most.  And who matters most.

I know that I have an amazing circle of friends that love me beyond measure.  Even when I'm hiding under the big, white, down comforter.

I know that sometimes that circle changes.  And that's ok.

I know that I have a husband that loves me from the inside out.  That listens.  That gets it.  ALL of it.

I know I have very forgiving children, that I would give my life for.

I know that God is here.  Always.
                       He listens.
                       He knows.
                       He gets it.
                       ALL OF IT.
                       He comforts better than any damn comforter I've found.

Photography Strike

There.  I admitted it.

Never, ever,   E  V  E  R   did I think I would want to take a break from shooting.

~Sigh~

I mean life gets in the way sometimes and things get put on hold for a minute.  But somewhere in the review, edit, and upload process of over 400 Mexico photos to a new blog friendly photo site, I'm afraid I short circuited.  I really didn't care if I picked up my camera anytime soon, much less to upload pictures and deal with them anywhere.  I lost my motivation and inspiration.


Until some Kansas love rolled into town March 28th.....


I picked up the camera, and I picked up my friend, and just like that the three of us fell into sync like breathing. Kris inspires me. Both in life, and in photography. Six fantastic days of sunshine. Laughter. Bonding. Sharing thoughts and dreams. Road trips. Riverside lunches, reflective silence, and an easiness that can't even be explained.

6 days. 900 pictures.
Because balance in life is so overrated.....



The timing was perfect, since spring has busted out like a technicolor rainbow in NC.
Hello inspiration on crack.

When I die, will you please just burry me here:














We picked up right where we had left off, without missing a beat really.  There's just something that happens in my mind when I set out with no other focus than capturing the beauty surrounding me.  These opportunities don't come often.  In fact, they tend to come like some kind of magic fairy dust packed in the suitcase of those I love that visit.  That excuse maybe, that allows your mind the full freedom to let go of all responsibilities and those evil little "I should be doing..." thoughts that try to ruin an otherwise amazing moment.  But when someone is here?  To visit?  To see and experience a little piece of your world?

I read inside the cover of a much anticipated book that was published this week, a quote that I will translate for just such an occasion:

            "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your ONE wild and precious OPPORTUNITY?" ~ Mary Oliver


We had a wild and precious opportunity all right.  Two mom's cut lose by their amazing and supportive husbands.  So I planned a quick trip to Charleston as a surprise.
Guaranteed inspiration.  Guaranteed beauty begging to be captured.  Guaranteed memories.
Fairy Dust.  Everywhere we turned.



































We rolled up our pant legs, tromped through the rivers and creeks. Put quality blisters on our feet, and laughed in the rain. And not for one moment did we forget the unbelievable beauty we were basking in. Collecting it like our very breath depended on it. Capturing the details through those long black lens's so the memories will never be forgotten. There were so many moments we talked about how lucky we were to just BE, together, in those spots, sharing those experiences.

           ONE wild and precious OPPORTUNITY


Seized baby.
Not taken for granted.
And flowing with new inspiration.

Prepare for Landing

It's February 23rd.

Holy buckets Batman, it's February 23rd!!!  Twelve days ago that sweet little airline stewardess was telling us to turn off our electronic devices and prepare for landing.

But in hind sight I think that was actually just a dream during my (impossible) inflight catnap.  The reality is I came to as we were drop kicked out of the back of that plane.  Like a cargo delivery.  At Mach 10 somewhere over south Asheville.

Somehow in these 12 short days we accomplished doctors appointments, all day school volunteering commitments, music practices and performances, a required school day on a Sunday, a major church redecorating project, a birthday, and company visiting.

Welcome home.  

Thank you to my peeps.  When you would smile and ask, "how was your trip," it would make me slow down long enough for my hair to stop flying mid chaotic run, and my mind to catch up with itself.  Those were the moments amid the craziness I would take a breath and reflect on the trip that already seems like it was months ago.  I would feel that calm.  Even if just for a moment in my reflection.  

~The turquoise waves, that warm sun that never fails to deliver steroids to my freckles, the sounds of laughter and squeals from my monkeys in the ocean, and most importantly, the uninterrupted family time~ 

Those two weeks deliver.  Every.  Single.  Time.  It's magical, it the purest, most simple form.  We slow down as close to a full stop as you can get.  And we just take it in.  

Mexico.....

Well hello there Mr. Sunshine.  Oh how we've been waiting for you.






We celebrated the arrival of family.  And family was flowing deep.  The blood kind, the extended family kind, and the resort kind.  I look forward to these reunions as much as I do digging my toes into the sand that first time each year.  Each January we see so many of the same families around the pool.  We oooh and ahhh over how big the kids have gotten, catch up on the years events, play games together, swim together, and swap "I've got the kids" duties.  It's amazing, with a big ole capital A.










2012 was the year of the "Baggo" competitions. I wondered what all the commotion was about one afternoon...only to find my son immersed in resort family.  I seriously love these people.  Because when you love and include my children you've got my heart.  Resort family against resort family, fathers against sons, husbands against wives....game on.

     *Celebration chest bump*

Also new in 2012:  Torpedo chasing at dusk with Uncle Marcus.  Operation "Off The Grid".....

Now you see them.....

Now you don't.

And while they practiced their military maneuvers, I chased the dancing lights of the night.









Shark tooth hunting.  It's one of my favorite afternoon activities.  Hidden treasures those little suckers are.  It's like the ultimate Easter egg hunt, beach style.







Photography adventures with my brother.  PRICELESS.  We invited others to tag along, but as his wife Rachel put it; "No thanks.  Because you guys will say it's for like 20 minutes, and I'm done after 15.  And the reality is it's more like 2 hours."

Busted.

But our families are the bomb.  And they support our photo giddiness as we run off into the night like kids, and then set our alarms for pre-dawn.  And it was SO worth it.  Because I got award winning shots?  Heck no.  Because I was with him, and he was with me.  Doing what we love and celebrating the rare time we get to do it together.









This may very well be the moment I named my tripod.  When I grab that pistol grip I feel all "Top Gun"ish.  Get in the cross hairs of my lens and your MINE.  And the tripod?  Craziness.  Secret contortionist.  So when I spun around and saw this?  I flat cracked up.  Brotherly inspiration.

MAVERICK.  Known for his arrogant rule bending attitude


Because you can NEVER be too cool to get the shot.  And I'm all about bending me some rules.











The ocean waves called my kiddos this year, louder than ever before.  They couldn't seem to get enough.  Maybe it was the thrill of perfecting the timing of catching a wave and riding it all the way to shore.  Maybe the new found confidence that you really can face a wave head on that would surely take you out.  But take a good breath, close your eyes, get low and push forward, and you'll find yourself safe on the other side.  Or maybe it was just the lure of that yellow flag.  THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND AND GO FOR IT.








Happy Hour.  Nuff said.











For days my D man watched the afternoon game of sand volleyball aching to play.  He's bold, and not afraid to ask to join a game.  But unfortunately the ref said no.  I'm sure the idea is to keep the competition at an "adult" level.  Referee translation = It's adult play, and we wouldn't want you to get hurt.

Right on.



They gathered like clockwork and he would sit on the side lines watching the games.  Contently dying.  As parents, we let it be.  There's nothing worse than a set of parents rescuing their kids from simple disappointment.  But low and behold, with 4 days left, Mr. Blue Trunks ~ aka resort family ~ announced to the ref, "He's on MY team."



Let the games begin.







Let's just say he hung in just fine.

And the grand finale?  The resort sista who asked Kailey girl to step in for her because she needed to attend to her happy hour beverage.  Girlfriend served the final 6 points winning the game, as everyone cheered and pumped her shy self up to a confident smile.  Turns out, she's got a little game of her own.

And that smile on sista's face?  It matched the one on my own.  Resort family baby.






The last day, last moments of sunlight, and last minutes of the camera battery.  An unplanned mother daughter photo shoot on the beach.  Photo booth style.  We propped the camera on the lifeguard stand with someone's leftover pack of gum, set the timer, and threw caution to the wind one last time.  






706 pictures later.
A lifetime of memories.
Blood family.  Extended family.  Resort family.
2012 delivered.
And I think we've finally landed.